A month.... That's not so bad, is it?

So it's been pretty much exactly a month since I last posted anything (note I didn't say anything of value). It's been a crazy month: old coworkers leaving, new coworkers arriving, getting accepted into grad school for the fall, freaking out about getting accepted into grad school for the fall, AK's ridiculous schedule, too many overnight trips to Seattle, the continuing fight for Accutane (finally finished), and running. Lots of running.

I've made it to running 8 miles straight and finished my first 10k in just over an hour. On Sunday, due to the heat, we hit the trails in Forest Park and rocked out 7.5 miles. I absolutely love trail running now. I think the constantly shifting grade and ever changing background engage my mind more than just crusing along a road. And I am madly in love with running downhill. Yes, it can be a bit harsh on the knees, but it's the closest thing I've ever felt to flying (Delmar once said that the fleche in saber was just like flying, but I can't do that without drawing a card). There's just something so monstrously satisfying about turning around from an 11 min/mi uphill to barreling along at 8 min/mi. Forest Park will probably be the training ground of choice for the summer (once the sun and the heat return), and I look forward to it.

Sunday will bring 10 miles, which I'm nervous about. I managed 8 miles on a very good morning - I was up in time, ate and hydrated, and just seemed to have the energy for it. Even though the important part is that I get up and manage to tie on my shoes, I still don't want to crap out in the middle. Right now I'm running 3 days a week: long run on Sunday, short run on Tuesday, speedwork/track workout on Thursday. I'm trying to walk on the days in between and would like to build up to running more days a week, but right now I know my body can't handle it (my right hamstring rebells furiously if it's forced to work too much).

My knitting is not going so well - I've left AK's sweater at an annoying point and will have to pick it back up soon. I'm nearly done with the sock yarn scarf and have at least two more cotton bags to knit up for my mother and my sister. A trip to the Knitting Bee is in order, but I have to find the time. That seems to be the main problem of late - finding the time.

Pushing...

I've not been as diligent about updating this as I would like, but honestly I've been running around too much to stop and compose something. There have been at least half a dozen nascent entries/ideas floating about, but when I finally found the time to sit down and stare at this cursor I couldn't pin anything down.

I've kept up the running, managing my fastest 5.3 mile loop yet (57 minutes and change). I was pacing with a more different homeschool mommy, who is very cool and very active. I'd love to be able to work up to the point where I could run a marathon with her, but we'll see. I think my goal will be to run the PDX Marathon in two years. Two years should allow me to really make running a part of my routine and should allow me to build up a solid base of cardio and strength. The idea of it, in the abstract, is only vaguely daunting. Twenty-six miles doesn't seem so large from here (here being the futon), but I have no real notion of what that means. If some days five miles can feel like an eternity, what about more than five times that? Still, I think it's something I want to accomplish. I want to prove to myself that I can be that strong, that I can complete something that massive. I'm not very good with massive undertakings (see the breakdowns/freakouts surrounding the undergrad thesis and MA dissertation). I suppose I need to prove to myself that I can set out to finish something without fear and pain (one would think library school would qualify, but it'll be another two months before I know if I'm in or not...). I think after running that far I can finally classify myself as an athlete (because fencing at least three times a week, running three times a week, and lifting do not an athlete make). Could I include anymore parenthetical asides in this paragraph (of course I can)?

The sorta-lace-scarf-from-sock-yarn is nearly a foot and I'm almost at the point on AK's sweater where I'll need help (picking up the stitches for the pocket). I'm trying to get a regular knit night going, but the scheduling is proving difficult. There's also the idea of a regular dinner night (bunch of friends get together with food, essentially) and a Geek Night (D&D and food, which should be hilarious since I've never played before and AK will have to DM). I'm in the middle of four books all at once (the memoir of the woman who escaped from FLDS, a biography of Colette, a historical mystery, and another feminist book).

The feminist reading has really been kicking my ass lately in that I'm left constantly questioning my own attitudes, preconceptions, and life in general. This is a good thing in that I will come out a better person for it, or at least a person who is better aware of her own ideals and motivations. However the turmoil of such constant probing is taking its toll. I half decide to have children, to forget the idea all together, to have AK raise them, to not have them, to send them to daycare. I poke and pick at old relationships and current ones and try to tease them apart to find their cores. It's exhausting work and rather self-centered. I can only hope that this will have some sort of far-reaching results in the future, but for now I'm trying not to think ahead that far. AK wonders aloud how it is that I'm managing to worry about worrying things. I tell him that I'm just that good.

Other than that I'm taking the evening easy in order to recover from the hard lesson, plyometrics, and run yesterday.

Quickly now...

I'm busy at work and with preparing for a short jaunt to the other coast, so pardon my brevity.

Sunday featured an excellent long run. We did the same trail as before, but this time I managed to go a little further and finished without stopping for walking breaks. 5.3 mi. in 59:20. I'm rather thrilled I managed it all in less than an hour (barely less... but it's something!). Once again I was pacing around the middle of the pack - the leaders were having a very good day and were at least 5 minutes ahead of me by the end. I noticed that I seem to have a problem somewhere in the middle of mile 3 Everything starts to hurt. Every step seems heavier than the last and the urge to just sit down and take a break gets overwhelming. Then suddenly the pain starts to dissipate and I'm cruising along without any problems. I'm sure it's more mental than physical and I'm trying to notice the physical and mental cues so I can nip it all in the bud. I'm sure it will take time though.

This weekend was short (just Sunday) since Spring Break is almost upon us. I'll be in the air on Thursday morning and back in PDX late Monday. The beauty of it all is that I'm only burning 2 vacation days on a 5 day vacation. I'm really looking forward to this trip; I feel that I've been going full tilt since before Winter Break (weeding and grad applications and more weeding etc.). I'm looking forward to sitting down and reading without worrying if I need to do another load of laundry or if there's another piece of paperwork that absolutely needs to be faxed. Also, kittens and my favorite person on the planet.

I've also been thinking about memory lately... but that's for another post. Local Holdings Records won't update themselves.

1 hr/5 miles

In preparation for today's run, I was up at 6:30 with AK. I showered and ate a Larabar (AK can get them at a discount at work and I wanted to try something mostly fruit and protein based before I ran). My usual running partner begged out of running today (too much stuff going on and she felt too tired), so it was just the four of us. I was picked up by the other part of the running group around 8. On the way to the trail it was announced the JG wanted to do a full hour today - half an hour out and then half a mile back. Considering I only did four miles last Sunday and haven't run all week I wasn't sure I could do it.

Started out at a slow pace and eventually sped up. Turned around at a little over 2.5 miles and turned back. On the way back I took 3 small walk breaks. I would keep asking myself, "How are we doing? Can we go to that tree?" and if yes, I'd keep going. If not, I'd stop and walk, setting a spot ahead where I would start to run again. I'd start strong from the break and then feel myself slowing down. Repeat. My right foot started acting up around mile 4.5, but I took a quick walk break to stretch it out. Finished 01:00:20 and 5 miles and change. We were all pretty beat at the end of it and I've been hydrating (did not do enough of that to start) and watching The Six Wives of Henry VIII. All in all, a very productive Sunday morning.

Neutrality

I've not been running this week. My ankles felt a bit weak on Sunday and on Monday evening, in the middle of a fencing lesson, my right instep was pretty angry at me. In a bid to prevent anything from breaking/slipping/getting worse, I decided to stop running until I bought a new pair of shoes. I bought my old ones over a year and a half ago. They were on sale and fit.

Tonight I went to the Portland Running Company to be properly fitted for a pair of running shoes. The lovely saleswoman gave me a pair of neutral shoes to wear (something by Nike) and had me run up and down a strip they have in front of the shop. Happily I appear to have a rather neutral foot. No crazy high arches, no pronating or supinating. I tried out four different neutral shoes and wound up with the Asics Gel Stratus in blue. I also splurged and got a proper technical shirt. It's green and has a clever pocket for keys and an ID.

It sounds a bit shallow, but all the books I've read so far on running have talked about purchasing the right equipment not only to prevent injury, but also to better feel the part. The argument is that you'll feel more like the other runners passing you by if you look the part. Having fenced for a team where our equipment was banged up and old (in some cases, produced by long dead equipment companies and better relegated to a rag pile since the knickers would, you know, split in the middle of a lunge), I can say that wearing the right sort of equipment makes you a bit more confident. When you're on the strip in barely passing lame and ill-fitting cotton duck whites and staring at someone in full Uhlman kit, you can feel a bit like a chump.

So much of athletics is mental, is attitude... and I've always sort of had a problem with maintaining or creating a positive attitude. It's New York or the genetics or the water.... regardless, I'm quicker to judge and judge harshly than I am to step back and find a scrap of calming perspective. I'm working on it and I know that I've improved. I know I think of myself as a fencer now and as an athlete. I wonder when I'll start to think of myself as a runner.

4 mi.

On Sunday I ran 4 miles straight for the first time. I think my time was around 42 minutes plus, which still means that I'm on track for a 10 min. mile. A coach of ours once said that a fencer would have the perfect level of aerobic strength for a full tournament (pools plus multiple DEs) if they could do 4 miles in 4 minutes. I have noticed that I am a bit stronger while fencing - I don't crap out quite as quickly and honestly don't feel all that exhausted afterwards.

Yesterday was incredibly busy and rather excellent. The guest and I made it to the Japanese Gardens, which were absolutely beautiful and peaceful in the late morning sun. On the way back downtown, I was called out as a VC grad. Apparently she (Class of '98) saw my ring when I was pushing the button to call the elevator for the Max. Her companion looked confused and she explained it to him: "It's the ring. You know... one of us, one of us...." Speaking of VC, I interviewed a wonderful girl yesterday as well. She's very smart and very capable, so I'm sure she'll get in somewhere fabulous.

After too much coffee and too much talking about the alma mater, the guest and I saw Persepolis. It felt a bit condensed (natural, I suppose, since she fit both books into 1.5 hrs or so). Certain events were somehow more powerful when given a human voice. With the distance of the page and that caricatured nature of the work I could give myself some space from what were rather tragic and terrible moments.

A good day over all, even with a late night of bingo volunteering. Today has been very chill - tea and reading and laundry and taking long walks to absorb more and more of the delicious warm sun. I really hope that spring is here to stay... but this is Portland.

Women and Athletics

I'm reading Dagny Scott's Runner's World Complete Book of Women's Running and am rather surprised to find myself enjoying it. I suppose this is in part because of the rather demoralizing reading experience that is Nick Evangelista's The Woman Fencer, which, though it tries, still comes off as a sort of patronizing "I know you want to have kids and work in groups, but you can still fight!" I'm not sure how much of that is the fact that a man is writing the book or that he truly came across a number of women who still have problems seeing themselves as athletes.

Scott addresses this issue thoughtfully and realistically. It seems to all come down to empowerment - we run because it makes us feel good and it makes us feel strong, and we do not need to apologize for it. She also speaks on the difference between those who run for stress relief and strength and those who want to get out there and compete. I think this dichotomy is often missing in books about sports (or at least the ones I've read, which have been very fencing centric). There is a decided difference between the rec or club fencer and the fencer who is gearing up for a national or international medal. There is room for both in the sport (in any sport). It's striking the balance that seems to be the key issue: how do you design a club or a program that can cater to the advanced student and the beginner? Last night at open bouting there were four of us who were of the more beginner/rec persuasion, walking into the tail end of a competitive practice. I keep feeling like I'm on the edge - where do I belong?

This is still all muddled in my mind, so I apologize. I just can't help but feel that there needs to be a book for women fencers that covers all of this (including a diet and exercise and buying the right equipment - everything that Scott discusses her work). Is this something that I'll have to write myself?