It's less awkward to type than to talk...

I suppose that my body agreed that I've been too busy and too stressed lately with work and life in general. Last Saturday I noticed that I was losing my sense of taste, but chalked it up to a cold. On Sunday, about ten minutes before a number of friends were supposed to converge on the apartment for dinner, I noticed that my face wasn't working right. I was trying to rinse my mouth and noticed that water was shooting out of the left side. I started to call the Urgent Care Advice Nurse, since I could move everything else on that side of my body, but couldn't get through. AK came home about five minutes later, put me in the car, and drove to a clinic on the other side of town.

I've been diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. It's by no means life threatening. Basically I've lost my sense of taste, the ability to close my left eye easily, and the ability to control my facial muscles on the left side of my face. I was diagnosed and treated within hours of noticing the symptoms and have been stocked up with the requisite steroids and antivirals. I called out this entire week at work, since my eyes tire easily, I have to remember to take my pills five times a day, and it's difficult to eat or drink without looking like a total freakazoid.

The PA who saw me also suggested that this could be the result of stress (because I haven't been busting my ass at work, applying to graduate schools, worrying about AKs car, or a friend's visa, or my performance reviews...). A friend, echoed this, reminding me that sometimes our bodies break down as a way of forcing us to sit still for a minute. It's frustrating as hell, since it'll be at least a month before things are normal again. I am grateful that this is more of an inconvenience than anything else, but it's still hard for me. I'm not used to sitting still or calling out for work in Circ. My coworkers have been amazing covering everything, so I have no reason to worry. It's just hard to stop moving.

On a happier note, I helped a friend out in her lab on Monday. I rinsed out test tubes filled with the stuff that mothballs are made out of and bacterial gunk, and then rinsed them in bleach and put them in an industrial dishwasher (with door like Star Trek.. truly the most impressive piece of machinery they own). I then labeled 200 more test tubes, labeled 200 of those little plastic tubes with caps and watched my friend begin the inoculation of her subjects... or whatever that meant. I'd like to help her out again, since she hasn't any undergraduates or anyone else but herself on the project. It was actually rather relaxing, which of course my friend found astonishing. But you guys know me. I got to spend the day cleaning stuff and then putting labels on them and then putting them in order. And free coffee and tacos.

AK will be heading up to Seattle on weekends until Nationals to work with a group of saberists. It's pretty exciting since it means a new set of people to work out with (if I can head up with him on a Sunday). L, one of the fencers up there, is someone I'm looking forward to training with. We seem to be on the same track, fencing-wise, progressing in a similar fashion. I'd also like to become more familiar with the train up to Seattle (if things work out, I'll be heading up there often) and wandering around the city. However the odds of me ever getting a job up there is slim to none (over saturated with MLIS grads).

X-Training

A somewhat successful week work-out wise. Monday AK and I (eventually) made it to the gym. I did squats for the first time in forever and really felt it... until about yesterday, actually. I'm happy that I can seem to do more weight on my upper body (not really pressing more than 20 lbs., but it's more than 10!) even with a bit of break from regular lifting. Seems like things are starting to stick, so to speak. Ran for a full half hour on Tuesday - 15 min. out and back. I think I did at least 3 miles (should properly gauge my usual routes), which was pretty satisfying. I just felt fast.

Yesterday was open bouting. It was a small turn out (most of the competitive kids cleared out early), but I still got a lot of practice in. I'm trying to work on parry-ripostes and, as always, finishing my attack. I was pretty successful on doing parry-riposte off the line (Russian #2 action/countertime), but not so much running backwards. I need to stay on the blade more, bind it more in some cases. I kept pushing one fencer to the end of the strip and then would get caught up in a counter-riposte war. Must Stop Riposting to Four! Still, a good bout.

I was really happy that I made the coach change on multiple occasions and picked up a parry when he thought his riposte was assured. I noticed that while fencing the rest of the class I was pretty calm and my endurance levels were excellent (hurrah for running!). But against the coach I found myself panting and tense. The few running books I've read have advised runners to occasionally "check in " on their bodies: Am I slouching? Is anything hurting? Can I push this or do I need to slow down? For the first time, I really checked in with myself on the strip: How's the brain dealing? Feet? Hand? I tried to relax back into my en garde after every touch, to let go of all the tension that developed during the action. I think it sorta worked. I felt more awake and "eyes open" actions came a little easier. I need to practice this in lessons, especially when I'm screwing up an action and about to lose it.

After practice I started writing in my running log (now training log I suppose) and started to wonder what my priority is in terms of sports. Am I a runner (albeit a newbie) who fences to cross-train or a fencer who runs to cross-train? I'm not really sure of the answer. I have more time for the running - it requires less equipment, I can do it as soon as I get home, and it's easy to drag people along. Right now I'm only bouting one night a week (getting to the competitive practice is doable, but a pain in the ass) and taking about two or three lessons a week. I'm not really competing in either sport. Maybe this is something I'm not suppose to answer right now. But it's still strange to think of myself, the girl who did stats for the high school volleyball team, as an athlete, let alone a multi-sport one.

That's pretty much all that's going on. There's the potential for huge changes at work (workflow/software related), but I can't really talk about that (there's also not much to report other than that we're waiting). I managed to make a meal tonight that featured four distinct food groups. I spent all of Tuesday night reading Full-Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti (founder of Feministing.com). The book raised so many thoughts and emotions and rants that I'm determined to read it a second time before I voice an opinion. I find it so difficult sometimes to have a solid, well-supported opinion on an issue or an idea. I tend to rely a lot on instinct and emotion. This is not to say that opinions founded on such a basis are necessarily inferior. Most of the time it's an emotional reaction to someone else's clearly parsed argument. I just find myself so completely unable to articulate my ideas when I feel passionate about something. There's a lot of stumbling over words and cursing involved instead of a well-outlined proposal. I'll sit down with the aforementioned book and a stack of paper and see what comes out. Hopefully more than "It's shitty, but it's not, and we can do better, and does Bush really think he can do that, and why is she writing with this voice, and god why have I never seen the classist side of things....."

But for now I'm going to curl up with American Gods.

Women and Athletics

I'm reading Dagny Scott's Runner's World Complete Book of Women's Running and am rather surprised to find myself enjoying it. I suppose this is in part because of the rather demoralizing reading experience that is Nick Evangelista's The Woman Fencer, which, though it tries, still comes off as a sort of patronizing "I know you want to have kids and work in groups, but you can still fight!" I'm not sure how much of that is the fact that a man is writing the book or that he truly came across a number of women who still have problems seeing themselves as athletes.

Scott addresses this issue thoughtfully and realistically. It seems to all come down to empowerment - we run because it makes us feel good and it makes us feel strong, and we do not need to apologize for it. She also speaks on the difference between those who run for stress relief and strength and those who want to get out there and compete. I think this dichotomy is often missing in books about sports (or at least the ones I've read, which have been very fencing centric). There is a decided difference between the rec or club fencer and the fencer who is gearing up for a national or international medal. There is room for both in the sport (in any sport). It's striking the balance that seems to be the key issue: how do you design a club or a program that can cater to the advanced student and the beginner? Last night at open bouting there were four of us who were of the more beginner/rec persuasion, walking into the tail end of a competitive practice. I keep feeling like I'm on the edge - where do I belong?

This is still all muddled in my mind, so I apologize. I just can't help but feel that there needs to be a book for women fencers that covers all of this (including a diet and exercise and buying the right equipment - everything that Scott discusses her work). Is this something that I'll have to write myself?