Pushing...

I've not been as diligent about updating this as I would like, but honestly I've been running around too much to stop and compose something. There have been at least half a dozen nascent entries/ideas floating about, but when I finally found the time to sit down and stare at this cursor I couldn't pin anything down.

I've kept up the running, managing my fastest 5.3 mile loop yet (57 minutes and change). I was pacing with a more different homeschool mommy, who is very cool and very active. I'd love to be able to work up to the point where I could run a marathon with her, but we'll see. I think my goal will be to run the PDX Marathon in two years. Two years should allow me to really make running a part of my routine and should allow me to build up a solid base of cardio and strength. The idea of it, in the abstract, is only vaguely daunting. Twenty-six miles doesn't seem so large from here (here being the futon), but I have no real notion of what that means. If some days five miles can feel like an eternity, what about more than five times that? Still, I think it's something I want to accomplish. I want to prove to myself that I can be that strong, that I can complete something that massive. I'm not very good with massive undertakings (see the breakdowns/freakouts surrounding the undergrad thesis and MA dissertation). I suppose I need to prove to myself that I can set out to finish something without fear and pain (one would think library school would qualify, but it'll be another two months before I know if I'm in or not...). I think after running that far I can finally classify myself as an athlete (because fencing at least three times a week, running three times a week, and lifting do not an athlete make). Could I include anymore parenthetical asides in this paragraph (of course I can)?

The sorta-lace-scarf-from-sock-yarn is nearly a foot and I'm almost at the point on AK's sweater where I'll need help (picking up the stitches for the pocket). I'm trying to get a regular knit night going, but the scheduling is proving difficult. There's also the idea of a regular dinner night (bunch of friends get together with food, essentially) and a Geek Night (D&D and food, which should be hilarious since I've never played before and AK will have to DM). I'm in the middle of four books all at once (the memoir of the woman who escaped from FLDS, a biography of Colette, a historical mystery, and another feminist book).

The feminist reading has really been kicking my ass lately in that I'm left constantly questioning my own attitudes, preconceptions, and life in general. This is a good thing in that I will come out a better person for it, or at least a person who is better aware of her own ideals and motivations. However the turmoil of such constant probing is taking its toll. I half decide to have children, to forget the idea all together, to have AK raise them, to not have them, to send them to daycare. I poke and pick at old relationships and current ones and try to tease them apart to find their cores. It's exhausting work and rather self-centered. I can only hope that this will have some sort of far-reaching results in the future, but for now I'm trying not to think ahead that far. AK wonders aloud how it is that I'm managing to worry about worrying things. I tell him that I'm just that good.

Other than that I'm taking the evening easy in order to recover from the hard lesson, plyometrics, and run yesterday.

Catch up...

The trip to the Right Coast was successful in that I managed to eat plenty of food, read a few fabulous novels, and chill with kittens both cranky and aloof. I really needed a few days of not having anything to do - no applications or pressing projects or editing for AK or balancing anything at all. It was absolutely lovely to be awoken Banzai Kittan style to a day filled with little more than reading, walking around, coffee, more reading, and Courbet (his current show at the Met is fantastic and features one of the best posters for a show that I've seen in a while). I miss being in that city or, more properly, near it.

I cannot profess to be a true New Yorker. People outside of the tri-state area assume that anyone who identifies as "being from New York" was born and bred in Manhattan. However I did grow up never more than a 2 hour train ride away (faster if you caught the commuter express) from all the museums and theatre and life that is NYC. There's a particular smell that catches you when you step out of the MTA car and onto the platform at Grand Central - electrical and dank and hot - that I find so comforting. While I love PDX and its cleanliness and devotion to all that is green and progressive, sometimes I want to walk around a city with a patina of exhaust and sidewalks cracked and skewed by tree roots, where everyone walks quickly and speaks even faster. I feel recharged when I visit, as if I'm somehow stronger, more of a badass for surviving my stay. When I touch down in PDX I feel my Queens' vowels start to fade and my gate soften, but a thin coating of something (dirt, attitude) remains.

The awesomeness of the trip was continued by a day spent checking out local knitting stores with a very awesome person. It was great to just rant and chat and squish yarn all afternoon. Should she open her knitting store with chocolate bar, I will be the first person on the couch. I finally bought the yarn for AK's sweater: a dark blue superwash wool (a Cascade 220). He loves the color and it's actually rather pleasing to knit with, though I am completely over this ribbing already. The pattern (the Wonderful Wallaby) looks like it won't be too much of a challenge. Picking up the stitches to make the pocket will probably be the most annoying part, but this is why I have a Trish. I really need to get a regular knit night going again. I don't think I would have finished my sweater if I hadn't had a set night a week to work on it. In my travels I also picked up some beautiful sock yarn that I'll be turning into a lace scarf (the pattern is, I hope, relatively easy and I can read my work better than before, but I'm still terrified) and a cheap ball of variegated wool that is slowly turning into my third Quant. I really adore that pattern. I wish I could find something else featuring entrelac that I really liked (not too big on the scarf since the wrong side is a bit funky looking).

What this post comes down to is that I miss Edd and I like my new knitting friend and yarn and that I want a cup of coffee now please.

Quickly now...

I'm busy at work and with preparing for a short jaunt to the other coast, so pardon my brevity.

Sunday featured an excellent long run. We did the same trail as before, but this time I managed to go a little further and finished without stopping for walking breaks. 5.3 mi. in 59:20. I'm rather thrilled I managed it all in less than an hour (barely less... but it's something!). Once again I was pacing around the middle of the pack - the leaders were having a very good day and were at least 5 minutes ahead of me by the end. I noticed that I seem to have a problem somewhere in the middle of mile 3 Everything starts to hurt. Every step seems heavier than the last and the urge to just sit down and take a break gets overwhelming. Then suddenly the pain starts to dissipate and I'm cruising along without any problems. I'm sure it's more mental than physical and I'm trying to notice the physical and mental cues so I can nip it all in the bud. I'm sure it will take time though.

This weekend was short (just Sunday) since Spring Break is almost upon us. I'll be in the air on Thursday morning and back in PDX late Monday. The beauty of it all is that I'm only burning 2 vacation days on a 5 day vacation. I'm really looking forward to this trip; I feel that I've been going full tilt since before Winter Break (weeding and grad applications and more weeding etc.). I'm looking forward to sitting down and reading without worrying if I need to do another load of laundry or if there's another piece of paperwork that absolutely needs to be faxed. Also, kittens and my favorite person on the planet.

I've also been thinking about memory lately... but that's for another post. Local Holdings Records won't update themselves.